my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Randomize
