During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
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