Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
