You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
