The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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