For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
