Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
