He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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