...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Please don't give away my fajitas
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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