Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Randomize
