Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
