you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
did i walk over a car last night?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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