id be glad to
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
