would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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