Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
there was a trapeze. enough said
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
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