I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
