I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
