Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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