I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
