she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
