I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
