I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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