God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
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