Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
