Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
