Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
