My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
