no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
