just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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