My nipple is on Facebook.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
