Your mouth is God's brothel.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
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