once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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