i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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