Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
