Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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