At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
