What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
