Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
