Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Dear god my vagina.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
