i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
