Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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