Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
