It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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