please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize