these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
