hotel room ftw
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Randomize
