plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
