non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
