It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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