so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
My feet surprised me
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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