well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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