Your mouth is God's brothel.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
