Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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