I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
