So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
