don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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