That's when you crack a 10am beer
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
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