Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
operation have a gay friend backfired
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize