Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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