My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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