Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
