You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
