I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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