her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
