you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
