Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
