Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
