And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I would fuck him just for his dog
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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