I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
