so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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