Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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