Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
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They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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