if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
My life is pants optional.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
