But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Randomize
