Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
